Not a victim anymore

Literature Desk
14 October 2020, Wed
Published: 03:25

Not a victim anymore

Where once there was love, now only is pain,
I'll never have innocence, ever again.
He took it from me, my childhood,
he took away, all that was good.

Some mornings I, still wake up and cry,
others I curl up, and hope to die.
A knife at my throat, a hand on my ass,
I lay there and scream, but the pain doesn't pass.

He threatens to kill them, my mom and my dad,
if I tell them the truth, tell them he's bad.
So after he's done, I don't even fight,
I lay there and cry, the rest of the night.

My parents return, through the open door,
now I can't be his victim, anymore.
I have to hide it, what happened to me,
if I'm to protect them, they can't see.

I'm broken inside, a husk of a boy,
I have no life, I'm just his toy.
My parents depart, and he's back for more,
I feel like I'm dead, as I lay on the floor.

The pain never lessens, not one little bit,
just keeps deepening, like a bottomless pit.
He leaves again, opening the door,
says to be ready, when he wants more.

So I continue to lie, hide the pain inside,
wondering why, I shouldn't have died.
But now it makes sense, more and more,
I can't be his victim, anymore.

So when he returns, I steal the knife,
tell him to leave, get out of my life.
My parents return, and see my pain,
but I stopped it, from happening again.

I tell them the truth, what happened to me,
They told me they're sorry, now that they see.
But still I am broken, for still I see him,
still I'm in pain, for still I'm a victim.

I'll never get past it, the nights I was raped,
it's part of it now, how I was shaped.
I can't get justice, it's been too long,
but it's not my fault, he was wrong.

One of these days, I hope to heal,
one of these days, I'll get him for real.
Now that you know, you know the truth,
so finally, I'll drop the pretense of youth.

I'm not the little boy, who was raped on the floor,
I promise myself, I'm not a victim anymore.
                    by Troy Dayln Bunker

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